it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
