i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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