i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
