Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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