its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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