He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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