He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
