just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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