get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
