No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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