Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
