Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
