Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize