hotel room ftw
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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