Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
