the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
