This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
