Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Congratulations! We have a period
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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