The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
