Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
