i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
honey bunches of taint.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
