So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
