Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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