Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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