Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
