I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
