talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
