Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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