That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
