I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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