bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
