Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
