What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
