u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
