so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
