I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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