A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
