wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
