I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
