ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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