Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
