My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
