alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
