So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
