first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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