you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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