I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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