just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
