Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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