if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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