the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
