I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
