I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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