worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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