Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
