2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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