We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
