Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
