covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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