I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
