I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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