You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
