i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
