a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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