So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
