he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
