I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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