then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
