"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
