Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I won the penis lottery.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
