I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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