He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
