i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
