I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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