Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
