at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
